Craig Rowin may not have been given one million dollars, but this letter that I received in the mail offers me something even better — new plays mailed directly to me! New plays that make no sense at all.
I corrected typos for clarity, but left the author’s odd punctuation, grammar, and word choices/absences as written.
——————————————————
Dear Artistic Director,
Funny! Musical! Standing Ovations! I am a Long Island Playwright with an assortment of short plays and skits. My plays have garnered enormous laughter and attention. You can receive scripts that include bizarre characters and scenarios. Since writing can be very time consuming. Why not have new plays mailed directly to you? Attached is a synopsis of a small sample of scripts available for you.
If you need very, very funny material, please contact STRANGER @ PHONE NUMBER.
Sincerely,
STRANGER
1. Antique Road Show/Pure Junk
(Spoof on the TV show with Ralph, Alice and Rodney Dangerfield as auctioneers.)
Example: The famous painter Rob Ross tries to sell his painting and Rodney calls it junk and offers him $38.00 bucks.)
This script includes thirteen songs and nine character parts.
2. Weak-End Update
(Tina Frey hypnotizes Ronald Rump to sign a million dollar check over to her. Special guest “The Count” stops by to help Ronald balance his checkbooks.)
The script includes four songs and four character parts.
3. The Honeymooners/Envelopers
(Ralph and Alice fight over his spending habits. Choreographed fight to “Kung Fu Fighting.” Ralph invents the first remote control, Alice dismisses the idea and then finds out they lost millions.)
The script includes six songs and four character parts.
