I edited this one a little because it was so long.  It’s still long, but I think we can all agree that it is important.

———————————
Subject: Please see that this gets to Ian Roberts - Important

Hello Ian:

My name is STRANGER and I am a former student of yours at the UCB Theatre. I took a writing class with you at the old location in 2002 when I was 22. 

I doubt you remember me because I only attended the first three classes and then never came back. Well, here is a story for you.

So, I signed up and in the first class, all of the students introduced ourselves and talked a lot with you. I was immediately intimidated as I have always been by theatre kids because they are very cliquey and I was never one of them. Most seemed to know each other from other improv classes. 

The second class, you lectured and I cannot really recall much more other than you gave a homework assignment which was to write a sketch. 

The third class is one that I remember very well. 

We all sat around in a circle and you were in the middle and it was time to read the sketches. 

I was usually very under confident of anything I did creatively because I can be so hard on myself. One way to cope those doubts and fears is to come out balls blazing and simply get it over with. You asked the class for volunteers to read their sketch first and initially, nobody raised their hands. After you pan the room, I raise my hand and as you look my way, the girl next to me raises her hand and you select her. You also decide that the order will continue around the circle on her other side, essentially making me last on the waiting list. 

Temporarily relieved because I didn’t have to read my sketch, I watched as the time passed and people read their sketches. None were overly impressive which made me more fearful that mine too would be lame. (Side note: I realize only afterwards how naive I was to think that I had to be so good, so young and with no proper training. What an ego! ) 

As fate would have it, time ran out after only about half the class read their sketches. I never read mine that day. 

I never read my sketch ever again. 

I psyched myself out even more with fears of judgment and doubt and I never went back to your class ever again…and I never really regretted it until recently. You see, only years later am I able to see that I just have wasted that time because I am such a good learner that I could have been absolutely horrible and still learned from you, put the work in and turned it around.At the same time, people grow at their own pace so those actions then were maybe neccesary for me to reflect upon now and take action.

For the record, I never thought I was absolutely horrible; I just couldn’t/cannot deal with being critiqued.

As a defense mechanism, I haven’t really done anything creative since.

So, here we are on May 1, 2009 , god knows what you are doing but I am sitting home, the day off from work, and reflecting. Looking through my old computer files with all my old writing work, I came across this sketch and read it for the first time in seven years. Here is what I can say about it now…

It is pretty good conceptually and the reincorporation is pretty good. I also like the way I address my own fear of this exact situation in the sketch.

I still kind of hate it though. I have attached it for you.

So, if you are a random person who is not Ian Roberts and you are reading this right now, please pass this along to him. If this is Ian Roberts, this is me dealing with my past demons so I can now move forward. And I intend to. 

At the end of the day, at least you got $300 out of it. Have a nice day.

Sincerely yours,
STRANGER
—————————————————————————-

I won’t reprint the entire sketch here, but I will reprint the last page:

—————————————————————————-

STEVE
You guys suck. You really, really suck. Whatever, I’m outta here.

(Steve walks out front door and slams it behind him. He begins to talk to himself)

STEVE
A jib! A jib! What the hell is a Jib?

(As he says that, a giant question mark shaped animal walks bye and eats Steve)

Cut to classroom setting identical to our class.

[STRANGER]
And that’s my sketch.

IAN ROBERTS
Well [STRANGER], I must say, I think that’s the worst sketch idea I’ve ever heard. I think it would be better for the class if you would just leave, especially since I already have your $300. In fact class, why don’t we vote on it.

(Voting process happens quickly and results in a tie)

[STRANGER]
It appears we have a tie; you cannot make me leave.

IAN ROBERTS
Well…(Ian pulls rubber balloon out of his pocket, blows it up into a squiggly shape.)

IAN ROBERTS
(Speaking as the balloon, in high pitched voice) I think [STRANGER] should leave. He’s a bad man.

IAN ROBERTS
(Said very affirming as he nods his head)
Mr. Jibbers has spoken.